Adaptability, or the ability to adjust to a
variety
of different circumstances, isn't necessarily the sexiest of traits.
But experts say it is essential to enjoying a happy, satisfying life.
"We
constantly meet psychological challenges. Some of us succumb, we feel
hopeless, disempowered, give up … and some meet challenges, take the
knock and learn something from it," says Guy Winch, Ph.D. a psychologist
and author of "Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating
Failure, Rejection, Guilt and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries."
"Our ability to have life satisfaction, to be happy [and] to have good
relationships really depends on our ability to adapt."
Some people
are naturally more adaptable to situations than others, Winch says. To
illustrate this, he poses a scenario of three toddlers who are faced
with a difficult task: One immediately gives up and starts crying,
another repeats the same approach unsuccessfully, while the third tests a
few different strategies until eventually succeeding.
"You can see even from a young age people's natural proclivities in how they deal with hurdles. But, that said,
everyone
can learn ways to be more adaptable," Winch says. And to learn to be
adaptable, one must first understand how adaptable people approach life
differently.
Here are a few habits they share:
Adaptable people analyze their own coping mechanisms.
Everyone
faces hurdles and setbacks, personally and professionally. But people
who are adaptable get better at dealing with those tough moments
throughout their lives by paying attention to their natural response,
then changing it when necessary.
"You have to be aware of what
your coping mechanisms are," Winch says. "Most people just forge ahead
and try the same thing over and over, rather than switch strategies."
Take, for example, a student who did well in high school, but is
struggling with more rigorous
college classes.
An adaptable person will take a hard look at his or her learning
strategies and change what's not working. "When we encounter failure, we
have to question our strategies," he explains. "What in your
preparation -- in your thinking, planning and effort -- went wrong?"
They know who they are...
Adaptable people understand what it is that makes them who they are -- acknowledging the good
and bad -- then use that understanding to their advantage.
"There are
personality traits
that may predispose you to being particularly good at handling positive
or negative moments in life," and then there are other traits you might
want to work on, says Fred Bryant, Ph.D, a professor
of psychology
at Loyola University in Maryland. For example, an introvert who is
aware that he draws strength from alone time will be sure to take a few
moments for himself in big social gatherings so he doesn't get
overwhelmed. By understanding his natural inclinations and acting
accordingly, one can adapt to a situation that may not come naturally,
Bryant explained.
But it's not about trying to change who you are. Instead, "if you know the hand you have, you can
play to your strengths," he says -- and that can serve you well in any number of situations.
... But they also reinvent themselves.
Adaptable
people understand their personalities, but they also push themselves to
grow and expand. This is especially valuable in the workplace,
according to Bruna Martinuzzi, founder of Clarion Enterprises, a
leadership training company based in Vancouver, Canada.
"Consider
that when we push the envelope, and when we intentionally put ourselves
in situations that are outside our comfort zone, we grow,"
she writes in her book,
"The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to
Follow." "Are you trading on old knowledge? Do you need to update your
skills? ... We need to adapt by continually evolving and reinventing
ourselves."
Adaptable people don't blame themselves after rejection.
"Rejection
is universally painful," says Winch. "It's like touching a hot stove.
Our self-esteem usually gets hurt as a result. What a lot of people then
do is go and add insult to injury by blaming themselves, and becoming
self-critical." But all that does is make the psychological injury
worse.
But adaptable people don't do that. They acknowledge the
psychological injury, sit with the pain, then reaffirm what it is that
makes them unique and valuable so they can dust themselves off, Winch
says. If, for example, you've been rejected after a job interview, try
sitting down and brainstorming a quick list of 10 to 15 traits that make
you a good employee. Then, write a quick, two-paragraph essay about one
of those traits and why it's an important quality to have. The next
day, pick another and do the same thing.
"Rather than blaming
themselves for a screwed-up interview, they're reaffirming what it is
that makes them a valuable employee," Winch explains. "That's an
adaptable thing to do."
They know when to speak up.
This
is true in all aspects of life, but particularly in relationships.
"Couples that are happier are those that can deal productively with
conflict. Most of us know that, but very few of us apply it," Winch
says. All too often, partners come up with reasons to not voice their
concerns to their significant others. But squelching these
dissatisfactions is not an adaptable thing to do. "You want to have a
relationship in which there's a culture where you can voice it, deal
with it together and improve things as a result," Winch says. Adaptable
people also know when an issue is
not meaningful enough to bring up, and simply let it go.
"Think
of your relationship as a third, separate entity and the two of you as
managers. Then, have a 'management meeting' once a month, where you talk
about the company, the state of the union," Winch suggests. By doing
this regularly -- even if there's not much to say -- it provides a
structure for meaningful communication, which is key to being an
adaptable partner in an adaptable relationship.
Adaptable people don't wait for happiness.
When
it comes to adaptability, there's so much emphasis placed on how people
cope with crises and setbacks. But true adaptability is about more than
that, Bryant argues. "The assumption is that if you can cope really
well, then you're going to be happy, but that turns out to be
inaccurate," he said. "The key is for people to understand and
prioritize the need for positive experience. ... Part of adjustment is
being able to find meaning and joy in life."
Learning to seek out
and "savor" positive experiences is a skill, and one that is
under-appreciated, Bryant says. Adaptable people aren't just good at
coping with the hard stuff; they learn to actively seek out positive
experiences and joy, in whatever way is best for them.
